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Earlier this year, I was referred for Art Therapy. Now, some months later, I’m sad to report that this will cease to exist by the end of this week. It seems fitting then to reflect on what has been a wonderful experience for me, providing enormous benefits for my mental wellbeing.

So, how did I end up attending Art Therapy sessions?

Last Summer, I was struggling with my mental health. My Dad’s health was deteriorating but, more than that, I just felt a general sense of listlessness having taken over my life. I enlisted the help of a local charity and was fortunate to acquire a Support Worker. During our sessions, we discussed my goals and it was during one of these conversations, that I expressed my desire to be more creative.

I enjoyed sketching as a child but it was a skill I had neglected as an adult. In the early part of this year, in a bid to experiment with different creative pursuits, I dabbled with various activities – including vision boarding, pottery painting, creative writing and life writing.

My Support Worker referred me to a local charity who, as luck would have it, happened to based within walking distance from my home, and I didn’t have to wait long to access a group on a Tuesday afternoon.

Initially, I was apprehensive, which is understandable when trying something new for the first time. I am quite a sociable creature but do find some social situations quite tricky and dislike making small talk with people. I didn’t want to attend a group where I was obliged to talk to people as my primary aim was taking part in a creative activity rather than broadening my social networks. When I met with one of the Art Tutors, I was quickly reassured that there would be no expectation for me to engage any more than I was comfortable with; that the folk who attended, quietly got along with whatever project they were working on – yes, sometimes there was chat amongst people but it was an informal, relaxed environment and I could keep myself to myself if that was what I preferred.

Connection

Ironically, given my concerns about joining a group session, one of the best things about Art Therapy was the connection with others. It was true, we often worked away quietly but there was a shared connection through our art that provided an unexpected sense of wellbeing. Just seeing familiar faces each week and exchanging a few pleasantries was uplifting in itself, and I came to look forward to seeing these people, even if I had no desire or intention of engaging any further.

I discovered that one of the great things about bringing people together with a shared interest is getting to engage with people who you might not otherwise interact with; people with different values, backgrounds, culture, experiences. It breaks down barriers and enhances our wellbeing by allowing us to learn from the collective wisdom and experience of others.

As my art therapy journey comes to an abrupt end with the sad decision to withdraw funding, I find myself reflecting on my own journey but also that I had somehow become part of other people’s journeys. When it came time to say goodbye, knowing I might not see these people again, I took it upon myself to hug every last one of them – even the ones I’d never met because on that last day, there were faces, both familiar and new, as people had turned out in their dozens to make the most of those last few moments. I realised we had shared an unspoken, mutual bond even when we’d hardly exchanged more than a few words over a period of months. That in itself, was something quite special.

Stepping out my comfort zone

You could say that by merely attending such a group, I was essentially stepping out my comfort zone but once I was there, it was, at least to begin with, entirely about finding and staying in my comfort zone. I resorted to what I knew best which was sketching portraits of famous people whose faces I found ‘interesting’.

Until one day when the tutor suggested I might step out my comfort zone by trying something different. My reaction was one of heavy reluctance: my goal had been to find a creative outlet and as far as I was concerned, it was mission accomplished. At no point had I considered art therapy to any more than that. I certainly hadn’t gone along to step out my comfort zone. Now, don’t get me wrong – as somebody who has struggled for years with symptoms of anxiety and even recovered from panic disorder, I understand the importance of getting out one’s comfort zone: trying new things, challenging oneself, feeling the fear etc. but art therapy was supposed to be my safe space for creative expression. Those first few weeks, I had been so pleased to just be drawing again, and to find somewhere that the stresses and strains of everyday life, just melted away for an hour or two, the last thing I wanted at that point was to mess with this new-found, contented state of equilibrium by doing something as anxiety-inducing as stepping out my comfort zone.

Of course, now that the idea had been floated, there could be no going back. I couldn’t ignore the voice in my head urging me to try something new. I also knew my Tutor wouldn’t let it go that easily; after all, surely it was part of his role to encourage people to try new things; progress wasn’t just measured in terms of the creative works we produced; our journeys were also about building confidence and feelings of self-worth, pride and achievement. I dislike feeling pressured to do anything so quickly decided to take the initiative and just one week after the idea had first been mentioned, I marched into art therapy and boldly announced that, I would like to try something new. And that’s when my real journey began…

Learning a new skill and enjoying the process

I opted for water colour painting. My first attempt was, looking back, rather ambitious for a beginner: a seascape with the sun setting magnificently in shades of pink and yellow and orange. My first discovery was that water colour painting or the practice of learning a new skill allowed me to let go of my usual perfectionist tendencies: the week before I’d huffed and puffed my way through a portrait of a famous tennis player because I had expected perfection (which we all know, doesn’t exist, right?); I am good at sketching faces but knowing that means I always expect a high standard and frustration creeps in when I perceive my work to be less than my best. The ego gets in the way.

But I was new to water colour painting and I didn’t expect to be best; I had set the bar low and was managing my expectations. I just wanted to see how I got on with this new venture into the unknown. Suddenly, I found myself in that magnificent but elusive flow state when one is perfectly in the moment; entirely focused on the process rather than fixating on an outcome or result.

The Mindfulness element of painting was an unexpected bonus. While I was focused on my practice, I found myself to be totally present: I wasn’t scrolling on my phone, making plans, thinking about work, ruminating on my mistakes or worrying about the future. I was just painting and everything else just fell away. Although I would arrive at Art Therapy, feeling stressed and overwhelmed, having rushed from my place of work, I would leave a couple of hours later, feeling peaceful and uplifted. Two hours of art therapy had given me an outlet for any stress I was experiencing as well as perspective.

I enjoyed this new creative pursuit so much, I invested in some equipment I could use at home and while I’ve dabbled a few times and will hopefully do so in the future – especially now that the art therapy sessions have been withdrawn, I realise that the sessions themselves became more than merely an opportunity to paint once a week; they became a space for myself and a significant part of my self-care routine. While I’m sure I will pull out the paints again, for me, attending Art Therapy was about the shared connection with others through art and the space it created for me to boost my mental wellbeing.

Sadly, like all good things, this has come to an end but that doesn’t mean its benefits can’t be long-lasting. For me, its legacy will be:

• the connections I made: I exchanged numbers with a few people and find myself feeling surprisingly enthusiastic about making small talk with relative strangers;
• continuing with some kind of regular creative pursuit, either at home or elsewhere now that I know how well it serves me.
• keeping something just for me – I think we all need that in our lives; it’s so hard at times when we feel pulled in multiple different directions, especially in mid-life when hormones are fluctuating wildly yet the day to day challenges fail to let up. Something just for you helps us manage feelings of overwhelm and periods of uncertainty, and builds resilience so we cope better with what life throws at us.

I wonder what the next chapter will bring?