awellnessworkinprogress.com

I have been spending a lot more time on social media recently, having set up new platforms to share my wellness content and promote my blog.

I don’t want to get fixated on numbers: views, likes, followers etc. but given how much time and effort goes into creating content and blog posts, it is nice to know that people are seeing my work and (hopefully) deriving some pleasure and value from what I share.

With Instagram, I wasn’t always convinced this was the case. What with the way the algorithm works, I wasn’t sure my content was even visible and certainly not reaching any kind of audience.

I am new to Twitter/X and TikTok and am currently learning how to use these platforms to best effect. It has actually been a lot of fun, creating content and attempting to tailor it to different audiences/platforms.

As one of my intentions for this year is to enjoy the process, rather than fixating on the outcome, I am enjoying the experience of learning how it all works. I am keeping a close eye on what type of content people seem to enjoy so I can produce more of this; I think this is half the battle when trying to engage the right audience.

Mainly, I finding that different platforms suit different types of content. I have always wanted to write a blog but self-doubt prevented me from getting started -until one day I just bit the bullet and went for it. Writing blogs feels like a better fit for me than Instagram because I can say what I want to say without having to edit it all down into a short caption; I often find that when you attempt to edit a post in that way, the essence of what you’re trying to say invariably gets lots.

Twitter is a good way to share links to resources or research or perhaps a book I’ve enjoyed, and TikTok, I’ve found, to be a lot of fun and an outlet for my creative side. I like the idea that this platform is predominantly used by people who are probably a lot younger than me; I guess you could argue that the odds are stacked against me, as a 44 year old woman, to make this kind of platform work for me in terms of sharing relevant content and reaching a wider audience – but, in a way, that drives me forwards at the same time as relinquishing some of the pressure (even if most of that is internal).

The downside – isn’t there always a downside – is the time and headspace it takes which I don’t necessarily have. I have spoken on here and on Instagram about the difficulties I have trying to achieve and maintain balance (although I am beginning to accept that perhaps balance just doesn’t exist – the pendulum will either swing one way or the other) and more time on social media can only serve to compound matters further. I definitely foresee a juggling act and have even noticed that, in my bid to promote this blog, I have actually been neglecting the blog itself, as well as many other important thing in my life.

My neurodivergent brain just loves novelty and being hyper-focused on a brand new, shiny special interest – but that often comes at the detriment to everything else, including my own mental wellbeing…

Within a few days of sharing on different platforms, and the subsequent increased screen time, I began to notice:

• I was contantly checking for views and likes, itching for my next hit of dopamine
• I was feeling tired but wired, the way one gets when they’ve had too much screen time
• I was waking at 4am thinking about Twitter
• I was worrying about how I would maintain this long-term
• I was experiencing self-doubt: am I out of my depth on a platform like TikTok? Is this a “young person’s game”?
• I was feeling overwhelmed: how was I was going to achieve work/life balance with all the time and effort this would entail (who am I kidding – this went out the window ages ago…)
• I was neglecting other stuff (my hair really needed a wash)
• I was thinking, slightly panicked, there just aren’t enough hours in the day!
• I was experiencing Imposter syndrome: is my content good enough? In what ways am I different or what sets me apart from all the other wellness content creators vying for attention right now?
• I was feeling frustrated that I hadn’t yet “gone viral”: delusions of grandeur, anyone?!

One of the benefits of having experienced mental illness is increased self awareness: you get pretty good at recognising when something’s off; the need to step back to regain perspective and to incorporate some extra self-care or, at the very least, make sure you maintain the existing practices that keep your mental wellbeing ticking over.

I also realised, if I’m going to share wellness content, I gotta “walk the talk”.

So, I became more intentional about carving out phone-free time…and logged onto my laptop instead.

No, I’m kidding.

But I did ditch my phone on my morning walk which was a great start.

To clarify, I was in the habit of taking my phone with me and always wearing headphones. I didn’t necessarily look at my phone other than to set up a playlist or podcast to listen to – but as long as it was there, so to was the temptation to scroll, and headphones prevented me from tuning into the world around me so I missed out on that potential source of wellbeing.

There were times I didn’t listen to anything but continued to wear the headphones because they provided a certain inconspicuousness. I sometimes take a while to come round in the mornings and as such, prefer to start my day with a little solitude. It’s why I often select walking routes that are a little out of the way, to avoid traffic and hordes of dog walkers. I also try to get out before rush hour or the school run begins. But the headphones are also a preventative measure when it comes to dealing with other people. As long as I’m wearing them, people assume I’m otherwise engaged which cuts down the obligation to interact with others. In short, other than a general nod of acknowledgement, people generally leave me alone. But even that’s a little sad: would it really be so awful to stop and interact with another human being? I can hide behind the pretense of being in a hurry but the reality is that social anxiety sometimes has me avoiding and missing out on the opportunity for human connection – but that’s a whole other blog post…

Avoiding human contact is not the only reason I wear the headphones and take my phone with me: there are times when I like to talk to myself and as long as I have the equipment at hand, I can pretend that I’m on a call and not, in fact, utterly bonkers. But seriously, I know I’m not the only one who does this and I genuinely believe that talking to yourself can be a healthy practice – so long as it doesn’t entirely replace connection with others (I should point out here, I do interact with others; I just prefer not to on my morning walks and find this an uncomfortable scenario to be avoided at all costs hence the need for headphones…). Talking to myself is a bit like oral journaling when there isn’t the opportunity for the actual pen-to-paper kind of journaling: it’s how I might check in with myself and how I often process my thoughts and feelings and emotions.

But I digress (as I often do – you can see why my Instagram has never taken off…)

That first morning, I left my phone and headphones, I admit I was a little discombobulated; there were a lot of back-and-forth’s as an internal debate raged over whether I might need my phone “just in case”, and, oh my God, what if another human being actually tried to engage with me sans headphones? I reasoned that a) it was a half hour walk so highly unlikely that anything urgent would crop up in that time, and b) interacting with another human being probably wasn’t that bad, I had done it before and survived…

I did feel a little exposed but there is also something liberating about leaving the house with only a set of house keys on your person; and something freeing about relinquishing control.

As it happened, that first morning, I was experiencing a lot of physical tension, as well as busy, busy mind, full of ideas for content, and other such nonsense and although I’d promised myself two laps of my route, just half way round the first, I genuinely thought I would have to hot-foot it back home just to jot down all my wonderful ideas…but I held firm. You know, just to see what happened next.

About half way, I noticed the physical tension diminishing. Not completely but there was a noticeable difference. If I’d been on my phone I would not have noticed any of this possibly until it was too late and I had some kind of gigantic meltdown.

About half way round lap two, I noticed my thoughts slowing down. I gave myself a bit of a talking to (in my head – remember, there were no headphones to disguise my odd behaviour): if the ideas are worth holding onto, they will still be there in 15 minutes when you get home and you can do with them whatever you wish but right now, this is screen-free time and about getting in some movement and your daily dose of sunshine which is the best possible way to start the day and just what you need to help manage stress and promote positive wellbeing. Or something to that effect; I’m all about positive self-talk but I can’t guaranteed that in that moment I didn’t admonish myself and my apparent failure to “just enjoy the f**king fresh air”.

By day two, I skipped out the door without giving my phone so much as a backward glance. I was noticing the wildflowers planted by the local council the previous year: they are now in full bloom and provide a lovely, subtle hint of colour against a backdrop of blues and greens from the sky and the grass and trees, and a natural habitat for local wildlife. I spotted a fawn, peering out from her (not so secret) hiding place and I realised I might have missed her if I’d taken my phone.

I heard a Song Thrush singing from high up in a tree. It was glorious. I stopped to look for her and take a moment or two to listen to her beautiful song. I would have missed this had I been wearing headphones. Even without headphones, I would not have taken the time to be fully present if I had been distractedly scrolling on my phone.

Continuing on the theme of carving out phone-free time or at least being more intentional with how I use it, I continue to leave it on silent at all times; yes, even when I’m working. A colleague could be trying to get hold of me but I reckon, if it’s that important, they can email me and I can always call them back. My role is supporting people to access volunteering opportunities and while I like to think that what I do and indeed that of the organisation I work for, does in some small way make the world a better place, we aren’t curing cancer. No body will die if I don’t pick up a call.

And besides, I am far better equipped to deal with said colleague and indeed, the people I support, if I’ve had that thirty minute walk without the distraction of a ringing, bleeping smartphone.

I also put my phone away when I want to focus on other tasks. Yes, even if that task in question is watching a show on TV – because I know me and, at the end of the day, when I’m tired or easily distracted, and my phone is handy, well, that’s when I am most vulnerable to mindless scrolling or compulsive online spending.

I also charge my phone upstairs then switch it off. I have been letting this rule slip recently: sometimes, if my younger son is out with friends, I like to have my phone handy in case he calls, or so I can check his whereabouts using the tracking app, or chase him up if he’s late home – or at the local shops for that matter – nothing good ever comes from 12 year old boys loitering outside or inside local shops what with the all too accessible array of cheap, sugary delights on offer.

But now that I’m seemingly wracking up the online hours during the day or in the early evening, I know I have to be more vigilant about phone-free time and this means switching off at a specific time. This ensure that my brains gets adequate time to wind down before I go to bed otherwise, I really do wake at 4am thinking about Twitter.

Now, I haven’t forgotten my “why”:

I do this because I want to give my blog a chance and one of the most effective ways to get it “out there” and seen by a potential audience is to make it accessible to the millions of folk who are seeking out wellness content via social media.

I do it because I enjoy it. It’s a double edged sword in the sense that I do sometimes find it stressful, even overwhelming but it’s also kind of exhilarating and provides an opportunity to get my creative juices flowing, and to explore new ways to share content.

I do it because I actually feel excited about what I’m doing: I want to enjoy this journey and see where it takes me.

But acknowledging that social media and screen time can drain my battery, I am taking steps to boost my resilience, by performing the following acts of self care:

• Moving every day – it can be tempting to stay online instead of venturing outdoors (smartphone addiction is a thing and I can see why people constantly refresh their feeds, seeking out their next dopamine fix), especially first thing, when you’re still coming round and it’s blowing a gale outside but I have never regretted a morning walk, and my content is better for it.
• Prioritising sleep – which means practicing good sleep hygiene. I switch my phone off, take a shower, drink a warm, milky drink and read a chapter or two of a good (but not too stimulating) book. Not every night. I admit, part of my wind-down routine can include TV and I don’t always take that shower but in general, it’s about taking things down a notch and preparing properly for a good night’s sleep. If I’m feeling wired, I do a brain dump or write a list for the following day or I might utilise some of that extra energy to look out clothes or sort a bag or meal prep for the next day. Knowing I’ve taken these steps give me the peace of mind that helps relax me before bed.
• hydrating – sometimes when I’m busy and especially if I’m out and about, I might forget to hydrate and this can impact me in a number of ways: I don’t sleep as well, either because I’m dehydrated or because I’ve tried to compensate in the evening and end of waking in the night with my bladder fit to explode; I eat more because I mistake thirst for hunger, I get cranky or anxious and my energy, motivation and concentration levels deteriorate which means I just don’t accomplish the tasks I want to achieve that day.
• Quiet Time – I need this every day, ideally several times a day. Just some time where is no background noise to overstimulate me and prevent me from checking in with myself or just to read a book.
• Clearing my space of physical clutter; if I’m feeling overwhelmed, I often hone in on my surroundings. I notice mess and clutter and household tasks that need doing so much more if I’m not in a great headspace and embracing them right there and then is often one of the few ways that helps to restore that sense of control and equilibrium.
• Cutting back on caffeine – isn’t it funny how we often look to external sources that actually have potentially negative consequences for our wellbeing, when we’re feeling overwhelmed? It’s not even necessarily that we’re thinking, I need a caffeinated drink right now, but more that it seems to become a kind of default go-to yet we’d serve ourselves so much better in those moments if we simply slipped a glass of water or a relaxing herbal tea instead.
• Taking time to pause instead of rushing from one task to the next – rushing never really accomplishes anything more than increased stress and potential meltdown? Slow down! A couple of minutes to just breathe or enjoy a cup of tea instead of pouring it down our throats or worse, forgetting about it until its lukewarm, is actually much better for productivity and wellbeing than the alternative.
• Washing my goddamn hair. I hate washing my hair; or, not so much washing it but just the whole rigmarole that washing and drying hair entails. But after three days, my matted bird’s nest had reached the point of no return. There is nothing worse when you’re feeling overwhelmed than glimpsing your reflection and seeing that your physical appearance desperately requires your attention.

It’s important to remember that social media is just that. It’s not real life even if the content I am sharing is based on my own lived experience. Real life is happening away from social media and I don’t want to miss a single second of it and especially not because I’m glued to my phone or some other device. But my blog does matter to me. I want to help others and if my content can do that in some small way; if one person reads something I wrote and they have a kind of “aha” moment, well, that would mean a lot. I spent so long just thinking about doing this and now that I’m finally doing it, I want to know that I’m giving it my best shot. Perhaps that means that, for a while at least, things will be a little out of balance but carving out phone-free time and incorporating strategies that I’ve picked up along my own wellbeing journey will hopefully help along the way.