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A ritual by definition is “an intentional, symbolic action that hopes to create meaning in your life”.

For me, a daily ritual is an action or a series of actions that I perform with the intention of boosting my wellbeing. A particular benefit of engaging in daily rituals is that it encourages mindfulness and being present in the moment.

I’ve been thinking about some of the little rituals I already perform in my daily life which include:

A morning skincare routine

My morning skincare routine has become something of a ritual and I recently enhanced it further with the addition of eye patches to brighten and de-puff the under eye area. I stick these on for a few minutes while I brush my teeth etc. and once I’ve removed them, I apply an eye cream, serum, moisturiser, facial oil and, finally, an SPF. It might sound laborious but I’ve found some products I really like which, in fact, makes this process feel like a lovely, pampering treat and a really nice way to start my day. I also believe these products are making a difference which provides an incentive on the mornings where I am more inclined to skip the entire process because I am tired or rushing to be some place. Last year, a colleague recommended using an SPF every day. I had always assumed that applying an SPF was more of a preventative measure against damage caused the sun’s harmful UV rays and would apply it only when I was on a summer holiday somewhere like Spain and certainly not in Scotland when it’s only sunny for 5 days a year! But I underestimated SPF, not really taking into account that it might reduce the signs of future ageing or that it could do much in terms of improving my skin’s appearance right now but I have to say I have been pleasantly surprised by the difference it has made, reducing the appearance of my frown lines and improving the radiance of my complexion.

Quiet Time

Quiet Time takes place every morning, post-breakfast, from the comfort of my “love seat” by the window with a pot of green tea with sliced lemon. I’ll check my phone but rather than mindlessly scroll, I’ll have a quick scan of Instagram, maybe a brief look on some of the other apps or sites I enjoy, and gather some inspiration, words of wisdom or motivating quotes that can take me forward into my day with a positive mindset.

Quiet Time is essentially one the few periods in my day, apart from when I am working, when I can sit with relative peace and free from the background noise of the radio or TV which my husband seems to prefer but which I can’t tolerate first thing in the morning (or while I’m eating my lunch or right after I’ve finished work…).

To provide context, my husband has been unemployed for the last few years, having initially been made redundant at the end of 2018. After working a stressful job for several years, and on full pay for the first 8 months, he was, at this point, essentially living the dream. I, on the other hand, struggled to adapt to the changing home dynamic. With him around the house a lot more, the peaceful equilibrium I had enjoyed on my days off work was suddenly no more. To be honest, this experience is worthy of a blog post in itself; a story to be told at a later date, but, to summarise, I never really got used to the sound of Capital FM being played full blast at 8 in the morning and, once I identified that this was a major source of stress for me and learned to create some boundaries, Quiet Time was born.

As you would expect when one person suddenly decides to assert a new boundary and the other person has to get used to a rule that did not previously exist, there was some initial pushback.

My husband, in the throes of his “extended holiday”, had temporarily forgotten what it was like to mentally prepare for a day ahead that involved juggling more than a round of golf, and couldn’t understand why I didn’t appreciate my ears being filled with noise from various sources by way of Jeremy Vine, Sky News or highlights of the previous weekend’s Premiership football. Eventually he got used to Quiet Time, I think, at some point, he may even have come up with the name, and eventually, fully embraced it himself. He has even announced “Quiet Time” as a way to get me to stop talking!

Quiet Time is such a simple ritual but is a proven game changer in terms of how I start my day. It is the very essence of a “slow morning” but it’s so important to me, I even manage to incorporate it on mornings when I have a tight schedule to stick to, even if it’s a slightly scaled down version, because I know it sets me up perfectly for the day ahead. No matter how busy or stressful the day might become, I can reflect with appreciation that 20-30 minutes by the window, sipping my tea.

Monday night vlogs

I have a couple of favourite influencers/content creators who I follow on Instagram and YouTube, and on Monday evenings, I wind down with their weekly vlogs. This wasn’t always intentional but the vlogs happened to fit in nicely to a specific time slot when I had rare access to the TV and so another wellbeing ritual was born. I think I only began thinking of it in this way fairly recently when I was reflecting upon how much I enjoy this period of “me time”. As I am essentially watching two people go about their day to day business, it doesn’t require much at my end other than to watch in an entirely mindless kind of way and this genuinely helps me wind-down in the evening; not only that, I have found this kind of viewing to be helpful when one is a) too exhausted, both mentally and physically to do anything and just really needs to rest, or when b) one is overwhelmed with a task list or negative thoughts and needs a break from their own mind. Creating a ritual out if it, gives me something to look forward to because it is symbolic in the sense that I associate it with my own enhanced wellbeing, and when I am watching, I am more able to appreciate it and enjoy the time in a more mindful way.

Regularly replenishing my flower arrangements

Recently I’ve taken to decorating my fireplace with pottery or vases filled with dried flower arrangements but my favourite addition to this display is a glorious clear glass vase which I fill with a variety of brightly coloured flowers every week or so.

I was influenced by one the aforementioned vlogs where the influencer in question displayed enormous bouquets of flowers she had hand-picked from her own garden or picked up at a the local market. I would watch her preparing the flowers then arranging them to best effect in one or more urn-like clear glass vase. The results were stunning and so simple and classic. I don’t have this woman’s affluence but even I can afford to buy a half decent vase and some pretty flowers to freshen up my living space. I had to wait a while to find just the right vase and when the time eventually came it was quite unexpected but there it was, winking at me, reminding of the vlogs I’d watched where I’d coveted the floral masterpiece in front of me. I took the vase home and it lived under the stairs until I found the perfect arrangement of flowers to fill it to best effect.

One day, in a supermarket of all places, not a florist as one might expect, I stumbled across Rainbow Gypsophillia which would become the base to all my arrangements. Every week or so, when the flowers I’d bought to accompany the Gypsophilia, would wilt and die, I would take pleasure in finding just the right bunch to replace them. I took pleasure in my flower arrangements, able to idly admire them on my way to the kitchen or whilst watching TV in the evening, but when they started to wilt, I could also look forward to replacing them and the process of choosing what to buy next.

One day I went to my local florist and selected hot pink and orange gerberas which reminded me of my wedding day but after I’d paid for them and the florist was wrapping them up, I noticed a single white hydrangea: it was huge and utterly magnificent and I resolved then that this would be my next purchase. I realised that this in itself had become part of a ritual of choosing and buying and arranging and admiring then repeating the process over and over again, absorbing the beauty and colour of these magnificent floral showpieces.

A nightly gratitude practice

I have tried practicing gratitude in various ways but until I tried the practice I am about to describe, none really stuck. I love the idea of opening a pretty new notebook or journal and writing down three things I am grateful for or whatever but honestly, after a while this becomes quite tedious and yet another item on the the seemingly never-ending to-do list. I couldn’t get the habit to stick and then I would feel like a failure for not being able to achieve something as simple as a gratitude practice. I also found that, by writing it down, I felt a pressure to come up with something “significant” or “good enough” as though somebody else might some day read it and wonder aloud why on earth I was grateful for something as inane as a teapot.

Instead, I opted for a far simpler gratitude practice that requires minimal effort and which ends my day on a positive note: I climb into bed, I read a chapter or two of my book, turn off my light, close my eyes and then, in my head, I think of the following:

• What I was proud of today or something I feel like I’ve achieved
• Something or someone that made me feel good or perhaps a micro moment of joy
• A single highlight from my day

It’s a really nice way to reflect on one’s day without the need to write it all down under a series of arbitrary questions or prompts. I can be a bit flexible with the questions I ask myself because it’s my gratitude practice and the only rule and the purpose of the whole exercise is simply to focus on positive things that took place – and even on the shittiest of days when you might have felt unwell or overwhelmed or low in mood and lacking in motivation, usually there is something we can say was pleasant or worked out better than we expected; even if things didn’t quite turn out as we might have hoped or we derived next to no pleasure from our day, at least we can say we showed up and that is an achievement in itself.

Creating joy in the everyday

I find rituals such a great way to spark joy when carrying out even the most mundane activities and I am working on incorporating more rituals into my life. In a sense, performing these rituals is a bit like habit stacking where you tag on a new habit or one you would like to cultivate onto another habit that’s become second nature: like standing on one leg, which is good for cognitive help, whilst brushing your teeth; or slowly repeating a positive affirmation to yourself whilst looking in the mirror in the morning while you apply your skincare products; or having a lovely head to toe stretch whilst creating an intention for the day or contemplating how you want to show up that day.

If there are wellbeing practices you want to incorporate into your day, try adding them to an established routine and make a ritual out of them. For example, if meditation is something you’re interested in incorporating but you struggle to find the time or stay consistent, why not try a short breathing exercise while you’re in the shower or bath. After all, you’ve got to wash so why not use that time to create a lovely ritual you look forward to.

Routines don’t have to be boring. Everyday activities can be pleasurable. Challenging situations can be made bearable by affording ourselves tiny rewards. We can find ways to romanticise our lives, to carve out micro moments of joy by creating these little rituals for ourselves.

What will yours be?